♡ ♡ KINSHIP CHILDCARE ADVICE FROM FAMILIES ♡ ♡ -- Page 1

Dear Families --Here are kinship advice from families in our Kinship Coordination Childcare Stipend project in January, 2021.

​A'hee hee for all your stories, photos and advice. They give us hope.
As a family we each have part in my granddaughter's life  
From family of a medically fragile 6 year old in Shiprock. Grandma, grandpa, uncle and great aunt take turns to do what each does best--reading, playing games, wagon rides when it is nice, teaching to get along with pets, exercising, computer table, colors, numbers, songs, toys and prayer.
By practicing family cohesion it makes it stronger to handle the restriction placed on us. As a family we each have part in my granddaughter's life. Have a spiritual foundation and when hard time comes it makes the problem easier to handle. As elders, show our children and grandchildren that no matter the hardship we are all going through, the house will not fall down. That foundation which is prayers and loving environment will provide cohesion to family for us to survive. I love my family so much.
Take a moment for yourselves 
From family of 3 year old in NHA Mesa View at NAPI. Mom, grandma and aunt all help picking up homework, doing homework, making sure each gets rest when needed, eat healthy and get outside for fresh air. 
Some advice I have for other is asking for help is ok and will help you keep going. Stay positive and keep go on in life. When you feel overwhelmed take a moment for yourselves, get some fresh air and take some deep breaths, remind yourselves of all the good you have in life.
Stay positive, stay home, and live in Faith
​
From family of 6 year old in Torreon whose mom commutes to Crownpoint and grandma comes daily, wakes up the little one, gets her ready for zoom class, makes sure she is on task, gives her meals and art projects and games including Navajo string game, until mom comes home. 
Since COVID my family and I have been working and supporting each other to ensure that we create a safe, balanced environment for my daughter. This has been a very uncertain, difficult time and if I were to provide a small piece of advice to other families it would be: Stay positive, stay home, and live in Faith.
Communicate and talk 

​From family of 9 year old with Hemihyperplasia, in Gamerco. Uncle and aunt look after him and grandparents come by often to give them relief. Medical care is through telehealth and everyone is careful to isolate in 2 households, and able to relax, learn, visit and play safely together.
​The only advice for other families is to communicate and talk about how one feels about their day. How school goes on a daily basis. How was work today? There are days when someone is overwhelmed and my husband and I try to help each other with daily tasks. Especially that the children are home 24/7.
Parenting is not easy; we learn together and need to utilize our family to help raise our children
From family in Iyanbito who work as a team to care for 3 kids, sharing childcare responsibilities with maternal and paternal grandmas, father, mother and 2 households. They have online learning, guitar, nature walks, tending 2 gardens, and chores. We relieve each other so there is time to ourselves.  
My husband and I plan special dinner dates where all of us cook together, watch a family movie, go for a family walk or bike ride and take turns spending one on one time with each child to “just talk” so that we all feel loved and part of the family. Being home has brought us closer and able to communicate more with everyone. We have an hour every evening from 5-6 that we designate for personal time. We all get one hour to do whatever we want separately then come back together for dinner time. It has been greatly beneficial to us to be able to live with a schedule that is not dominated by the world. We have been grateful to be able to incorporate kinship at this level and fortunate that we have our parents to assist in childcare needs.

​Many families are in so many different situations but one thing we can rely on is our consistent expression of love and communication. Use this time to talk to your children and get to know them on a personal level. We need to enjoy our children and value the time we have with them while they are growing. Parenting is not easy; we learn together and need to utilize our family to help raise our children. We only get one life with our children and we must make the best of it. We have a double standard to raise our Dine children strong to continue our traditions and knowledge in an ever-changing society. Be understanding, calm, and loving in raising your children during these harsh times.
Being together, teaching, learning, and praying together as one is what ensures our minds and ourselves to help one another through the pandemic 
From family in Tohatchi with 4 kids struggling with online class with poor internet. Grandpa helps mom look after the kids, teaching them Dine bizaad, traditional teachings and living also through Navajo herbs, songs, prayers and words of encouragement. 
The children enjoy learning these ways of life and caring for animals during the weekends when school is not in session. Hauling water, food preparations with supervision is also what we do as a family. Keeping them active and learning as they go.

Being together, teaching, learning, and praying together as one is what ensures our minds and ourselves to help one another through ​times such as the pandemic to come together and help one another to be safe and healthy the best we can.
Being more observant of surroundings 
From grandpa in Tohajiilee who looks after his 2 grandchildren weekdays. They are dropped off at his ranch as mom and dad go to work on the west side of Albuquerque. He teaches the kids to care for animals, daily chores around the ranch, and being more responsible to taking care of their health. 
Learning more of this ugly virus and being more observant of their surroundings. ​Paying attention to not travel, be near anyone or touching everything. Washing hands all the time. I myself don’t go anywhere like I use to. I have a health condition and I don’t want to be exposed to anyone or go traveling anywhere. I would rather stay home and be safe! I tell my family the same. My advice is stay home! Your life is worth keeping than losing a family member!
Love we have for our family is the most important of all  
From family of 6 yr old, mom, grandma and teenager in Nageezi who have lost family throughout COVID. They do team work to social distance including regular support from distanced family members by phone or chat, to stay safe and sanitized, girls have chores to wipe down everything that comes into the home like groceries and school work, to keep themselves safe and grandma safe, manage to learn as a family to stick together, learn Diné bizaad and traditional ways as well.  
Most of all, we all learned is . . . that the love we have for our family is the most important of all. The only advice to give right now is “Stay home and stay safe.”

​Things will get better is also what I say to my children. Keeping a positive attitude, even though I get challenged. But I stay strong for my family.
​❤ ❤
Don't give up hope  
From family outside Thoreau of 7 yr old where mom works so grandma and eldest teenagers are caregivers, making sure grandma takes her pills as grandma is diabetic and everyone does chores, cleaning, cooking, yard work, take care of livestock, feed and water, chickens, dogs, picking up trash, traditional ways teaching them how to learn Navajo and how to pray in Navajo ways, write down on a paper card on the wall that is traditional prays, teaching them right to wrong and about today vs back then. Grandma doesn't want them to be out. They go outside and sometimes play basketball. They try to keep up with sports. . 
Try to keep up with traditional ways, it's hard to keep up with ceremonies now, you have to love them. You got to teach them from right and wrong, from what you went through, they understand and tell them they're Navajo and we gotta learn your language. So tell your kids that, they listen to you. Don't  give up hope. As long as you have a strong household that'll keep you going, I keep my together with prayer. I try to teach them about their responsibilities, respect elders, know clans and relatives, down the line you know who to reach out to, respect your family, nowadays it's hard because we can't go anywhere and get together. I tell them where they are coming from. I encourage them to pray, it makes you strong. gotta be strong for them. i'm not really educated I did not  finish high school but from what I learn from parents, aunties, grandmas teaching, I teach that, this is how I used to be how we were taught, this is  what we ate, traditional ways, about food, gardening, planting. hang in there, love your kids, and love your grandkids, they keep you going, if you put your heart, faith and love in it, then you know why we have to stay in the positive mind, the best way I know how.
Plan ahead as much as often 
From family in Navajo, NM of 7 yr old and 2 other kids, grandma and mom's sister looks after kids when mom goes to work at nights, and when grandma and sis go to work in morning mom cooks breakfast for them and begin online zoom classes for kids. They have invested in a deep freezer. Mom is frontline worker in hospital ER. 
My family is my support system. Advice I would give to other families is to plan. Plan ahead as much as often. Plan to be home for extended times. Plan for when you or your family is exposed or sick. Plan for what you will do. This will help you to not be caught off guard when things happen. Talk to your children about the world we live in and how it is quickly changing. Allow an open space for them to communicate their fears and thoughts with parents. Be as open and honest as possible but remember to be reassuring that this too shall pass. Things will be okay.
Love the children dearly and to try to remain strong 
From mom in Counselor caring for her 6 year old and 2 other kids as well as 8 yr old nephew and 2 yr old niece whose mom travels back and forth to Albuquerque to train to care for their younger sister who lost her husband due to COVID, her little girl got COVID too, and younger sis now also has transverse meningitis with no movement from neck on down. The team also check in on great grandma and grandma every other day, chop wood for them and keep wood filled, empty ashes from stoves, take water to livestock, feeding, check fencing.
Being able to help family and lend a helping
hand is something I aspire to teach my children along with the children I care for. I tell stories to them about how our livestock is a way of life. I also tell them how hard work always pays off, whether it be at home or in the class room. We also name things in our own Diné language.

My advice for other families would be to love the children dearly and to try to remain strong during these difficult times. Although there are times when I miss working and get lonely with only kids to communicate with . . . their safety is a priority.
Keep them all safe 
From aunt in Alamo caring for 6 yr old niece who lost her father to COVID who was a basketball coach. While mom works at the school, aunt prepares meals using food stamps, doing zoom school, try everything to keep her well.
We don’t go out anywhere because of the virus and we keep ourselves safe from everything. I teach my niece to keep herself clean by washing her hands all time. For other family advice is to stay home and help children met the needs and keep them all safe.
Love each other no matter what and forgive
From family in Bisti caring for 8 and 13 yr old nephews, juggling between mom, aunt and grandma. COVID was a hard hit for them because they loved school for the interaction with others. They were fully immersed in sports and now they don't have that. The boys and their mom also dealing with very tough divorce even before COVID. The family team ensure their wellness by talking to them and making them feel loved and wanted. They are not just taken care of, but also taught how to take care of themselves. They know how to build a fire in the stove, bring in wood, care for animals and cook. We give them attention and listen to them when they talk and we interact.
My advice to other families is to love each other no matter what and forgive. We have been through abuse, alcohol abuse, terror and fear. We have left home in the middle of the night and slept in the car. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Put your foot down. Love does not mean aquiesence.
Love does not mean putting up with abuse and it does not mean accepting it. For us, love meant calling the cops, making rules, and putting a stop to it. 

​Take care of your babies, they are the future. Above all, give it all to God and do your best. Let Him do the rest.
Please be careful when you are out  
From family in Crystal of 11 yr old with extra learning needs. Elderly aunt cares for him during the day as mom is an essential worker, assist with homework as much as can, is there when school brings breakfast and lunch and homework packets but there is no laptop or hotspot. Mainly his Navajo culture homework she helps with. He gets frustrated, we try to explain to the teacher, we struggle but we keep moving the best way we know how.

​This is a picture of the mountain in Crystal where we live. 
Thank you so much. My aunt is very happy to be selected for this stipends as she on monthly income and most times she feels it doesn't last her the whole month. This stipend will help her in obtaining some personal supplies that she needs. We follow strict cleaning guidelines. We don't allow visitors or anyone else into the home. We sanitize all the time and wash our hands. Please be careful when you are out for essential supplies run or hospital visits. Stay home and don't take the whole family, go by yourself and sanitized your hands every time you get back in your vehicle.
You’re a Warrior, warriors don’t give up and they don’t back down. Pick up your sword and shield and fight!
From a Hogback family of medically fragile 6 yr old requiring round-the-clock care since birth with heart and lung defects and on nighttime ventilator. Since COVID grandparents physical support no longer possible, dad works out of state, so 16 yr old teenage brother now is the primary physical help to mom and gives her relief. ​The little one is her mom's Heart Warrior. Meanwhile family members deliver food and supplies but no one allowed to come inside.
​ 
I know that self care is important so that I can continue to provide the best care possible for my daughter too. ​As for advice all I can say is that everything should be taken a day at a time. There is no way to rush for things to happen. We are all given the opportunity to be great and nothing less will ever do. Each new day brings a new start. Times can be difficult but it’s how we choose to handle it, that will get us through the storm. Love one another and cherish the moments together. I’ve learn that life isn’t always fair but when I look at my Heart Warrior and how hard she fights to be here, our journey is not in vain.

We are not alone, there are so many amazing people I have had the pleasure of meeting before and during this pandemic. We all have the strength to stand on our own two feet and use our voice to ask for help and in return we can help others along the way as ​well.

I will end this email with a favorite quote of mine that reminds me of my daughter and the big battles that she faces in this life of hers. “ You’re a Warrior, warriors don’t give up and they don’t back down. Pick up your sword and shield and fight!”.
Keeping him on a schedule is very beneficial . . . I also would advise families to listen to their children or take some time for their children out of their schedules
From family of 6 yr old in Continental Divide whose caregivers are mom, maternal grandma, siblings and other relatives. Mom works, so little one goes 2 days to grandma (meet halfway to Gallup to drop him off) and 3 days to siblings, When grandma goes to doctor, his uncles and aunts care for him. He has a healthy fixed routine with meals, snacks, school packet, playing with coloring, drawing and manipulatives, but starts off helping with livestock and light chores. Grandpa and grandma teach cultural teachings and language, importance of livestock and animals, naming animals.
He is happy and his teacher says he is doing well with his work in school. Although he has to transition between home and his grandmothers and sometimes other relatives, keeping him on a schedule is very beneficial. As caretakers we heavily communicate any problems or changes with his needs and attention. Knowing the benefits of a routine for him and carefully attending to his needs, I advise that other families should create a routine that is suitable for their child/ children and environment. Developing a routine showed that despite the closure of in-person teaching, he is able to continue to meet his educational requirements while being at home. I also would advise families to listen to their children or take some time for their children out of their schedules.
Focus on those circumstances you can control, and do not stress over that you cannot control
From family of 3 yr old with extra needs (speech therapy), a 11 yr old and 2 teenagers in Shiprock. Dad is a combat veteran with PTSD and speaks to VA counselor weekly but both mom and dad do work full time. Every day 3 and 11 yr old are dropped off w maternal aunt, and grandma who lives next door watches the teenagers. Aunt is in cancer recovery, husband is home with her as he lost employment due to pandemic. Aunt handles little one's speech therapy when allowed by Shiprock IHS but we have not pursued additional learning assistance due to his age. We as a family manage to make it paycheck to paycheck and take it day by day.
​Becoming a provider for a family, and supporting those who support you during this pandemic is a blessing. I have seen those who are less fortunate than us, and are some of the most resilient people I know.

​My advice to other families would be, only focus on those circumstances you can control, and do not stress over that you cannot control. I appreciate this organization giving the community a chance to seek some financial assistance where it is greatly needed, This stipend will help my kinship who is caring for my children and help relieve the financial hardship we have all encountered.
Be patient, be patient with your grandkids
From family of 8 and 10 yr old who live next door to grandma in Newcomb. Every morning grandma wakes them up, they wash up, brush teeth, dress, grandma brushes their long hair then makes breakfast then start with school packet, break for lunch then resume class at 1 pm, sometimes zoom class with teacher. They will always use reading and math in their future. Grandma has invested in a laptop and internet, luckily oldest one knows how to use and helps when grandma has trouble, seemed liked everything was moving towards technology, even on the Navajo reservation. I teach them to be respectful. I’m learning my self too at times I don’t understand what words mean in English and in math.
​My advice to offer other families is to be patient, be patient with your grandkids, be patient with what is going on around us and do what you can to keep your little grandkids safe, life is precious. 
Follow CDC protocol 
From family of 5 and 7 yr old in Iyanbito. Uncle cares for nephews 9am-3pm, Mon.-Sat., helps them with schoolwork, tutoring, getting them ready in the morning, making them breakfast and lunch, sanitizing school supplies daily, teaching them good Covid hygiene's, going outside to water and feed our horses, play board games, they draw a lot and
watch some TV, in summertime plant and water vegetables. Their mom works 6 days a week, and their dad passed away a year ago.
I would say to stay home and do online shopping if possible, and do curbside pick up if you need to shop and to follow CDC protocol. 

​We try to keep ourselves up to date on the latest information when it comes to Covid. We stay home as much as possible and only shop when absolutely necessary and try to stock up when we do shop. We wear our mask and use hand sanitizer as often as possible, and wipe down all our products we purchase before putting them away. 
Set boundaries 
From family in Crownpoint. While dad works in Gallup 9-6, the kids' paternal uncle and grandma do cooking, keeping them clean, teaching them colors numbers, putting them on schedule of naps, learning and fun time. There is "no visitors" policy, instead zoom with family members. 
​Advice for other families going through this difficult time is to be patient set boundaries and schedule activities for the kids. Soon this well all be over and we can give each other a hug without the fear of getting sick. ​Have a great day and be safe.
Teach self-care 
From Shiprock family of 3 yr old, grandma is caregiver and mom attends college classes f/t and works p/t while dad works f/t. She has a set schedule--breakfast then toddler morning online class, sanitizing, sing Navajo songs and teach Navajo words, little walks in afternoon on our farm and feed the livestock, naps, 3 meals, play time, and snacks. 
My advice is to demonstrate to other families is to limit screen time or any other electronic devices, replace junk food for healthy snacks, engage in physical activities, teach self-care by washing hands, sanitizing items, always wearing mask in public places and remind them that it is better to stay home and be safe.
My oldest is learning to make dough  
From Shiprock family of 2 and 7 yr old. Grandma cooks and cares for them while mom works 6am-4pm M-F since March 2020, teaches, sings and talks in Navajo words and numbers to them, to brush their thresh in morning and after meals, hand washing, putting away toys, potty training. 
My oldest is learning to make dough. They are taught manners and they also fix the bed. My mom loves her granddaughters and they enjoy every minute being with their grandmother everyday. During this pandemic I would like to let other families know to stay safe. Keep washing your hands and if you go out for essential runs please always wear your mask.
We feel that we must maintain a healthy relationship with one another to keep a good balance in our home life 
From Sanostee family of 5 and 15 yr old, whose lockdown has forced them to shelter in place together and be very reliant on each other--mom, dad, cousin, aunt and grandma. All family members follow schedule for school, family time and home chores (sweeping, cooking, gathering wood, taking care of the outside animals). Children choose weekend activities.
We make sure and talk with our children about their well being, and that makes us feel a lot better when they are happy. Now that we are with our children a lot more, we feel that we must maintain a healthy relationship with one another to keep a good balance in our home life. When there is negativity or ill emotions
present, we know our children can sense that, which is why we continue to talk with one
another. 

Our advice to give other families is to start small and build a daily schedule for your family. List down activities with family members that are involved to assist and follow it daily. A consistent schedule for children and family ensure school work, wellness and growth as a family is always
counted into your day. As your schedule becomes easier, add more activities to your day.
With God in prayers all is possible  
From extra health needs (asthma) family in Coal Mine Rd. housing, 5 kids age 5 - 15 who many family members got sick from COVID and lost many families around, parents also got ill and didn't completely heal until December 2020, lost jobs then struggled with anxiety and depression, so eldest daughter cared for everyone.
Mentally, emotionally we got through the tough times, I'm thankful we overcame. We kept ourselves in prayers as a family in church families have been praying as well for us in everyone going thru these dark times. Try our best to keep each others healthy and continue to grow together each day in help each other. But we are thankful for our helpers that helped when things seemed to be impossible. But with God in prayers all is possible. 
Caretakers get overwhelmed and stressed also 
From family of 7 and 12 yr old in Brimhall, paternal grandma looks after from 8am-2:45pm, makes lunch and snacks and does school. It is a struggle for her at times because the lessons in class are not the same as we learned them when we were in school. But mom is thankful that she is trying her best and the children have been able to attend classes on a daily basis.
At the beginning of the pandemic, it was
hard for my youngest to understand what was going on. She cried because she wanted to go to school and see her friends and teachers. But we continued to be there and explain to her it was not anyone's fault and we continue to give her an opportunity to speak to us about how it makes her feel. The same with my oldest and my mother-in-law. Caretakers get overwhelmed and stressed also. We
continue to help each other out by asking one another if we are ok mentally and continue to help each other with the children as far as food, mental health, and making sure we are offering healthy foods and exercise.

My advice to other families is to make sure you are talking with your children about how to manage stress and to take care of your mental health. It is ok to ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Continue to make sure your kids are taking the online classes. That is the best thing you can do for your children so ensure they are learning. I don't want my kids to be behind in class when they do reopen. It is hard at times, but that's something we can all overcome for our children.
My sister is very strong minded and supportive to me and family 
From extra healthcare needs (asthma) family of 5, 10 and 12 yr old in Crystal. Maternal aunt provides childcare so mom can maintain employment in Window Rock. There is no laptop or internet. Aunt helps children keep wellness appointments, clean, chores, cooking skills, and outdoor fitness (walks, exercise, farm work, chop woods, hauling water), keeping structured days, fun and interactive ways to teach, learning Navajo culture and language, being positive and humorous, encouraging, being supportive to mom.
My children have grown so much with their own self independence and self care. My sister is very strong minded and supportive to me and family. I thank her everyday for all that she gives and offers. My advise for is to continue to be strong and always keep our Navajo traditional prayers and healing in mind. We are both single parents raising our beautiful children and we have to support each other no matter what happens and always try be make time for ourselves as sister, ​aunt's, grandma's and mother's. I always tell her to be positive and only we as mother's can build happy families and build strength, instill good teaching for our children.
​Thanks to the New Mexico Early Childhood Funders Group and to the Northern Diné​ COVID-19 Relief Effort for critical funding for this project.