♡ ♡ KINSHIP CHILDCARE ADVICE FROM FAMILIES ♡ ♡ -- Page 2

Dear Families: Here are kinship advice from families in our Kinship Coordination Childcare Stipend project in January, 2021. ​

​A'hee hee for all your stories, photos and advice. They give us hope.
So many days we need to scream, take that break
From family of 2 and 7 year old near Teec Nos Pos, maternal aunt and maternal grandma do their best and mom helps in evenings after returning from long hours work. Ensuring health for toddlers to elderly parents in the kinship care, they take it day by day. 
​It's a lot of work, we are not teachers of course, but we do our best, and teaching is a day long, into the evening every day task. I'm finally over the "shock" of the amount of schoolwork and energy and time it takes to ensure learning needs are met properly.

Again, we do our best. This is has been an emotionally, physically, and mentally tough journey thus far. We support each other and ask each other for help. Doing household chores and childcare, it's necessary tasks that are juggled. To date, it is becoming obvious that we must take care of our emotional, mental, and physical health. So many days we need to scream, take that break, get a breather, but we try and get through the day. Some are easier than others, but those days, we do take the chance to decompress and recharge, because we really do need to, to tackle the next week, and the next . . . 

​Make sure you reach out when you need help. Support each other as a family. Remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are able to lend a hand, lend a ear, there are other who need help and if we are able, reach out to them. This pandemic has reached so close, we know several families that needed help and we reach out if we are able to. Showing compassion and care to family, relatives, and friends is also important. Understand that protecting ourselves and others around us, educate ourselves to wear our masks, wash hands, use sanitizer.
We really do have to help and be patient with our kids 
From family in Shiprock. While mom is at work grandma cares for 8 yr old w extra healthcare needs (asthma and learning) and also adult nephew with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome). Grandma is 71 and gets dizzy, so as best they can grandson and nephew help with wiping down stuff, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping. As for lifting they wait until mom gets home. Grandma helps with online school and flashcards, a lot of Navajo teaching, multiplication and ABCs, months, colors, clans and more, table manners, pray before we eat and bedtime. 
We all have to understand that we really do have to help and be patient with our kids especially with online teaching. I see that some parents will be yelling at their kids and some don't get attention. I ​want to intervene but I don't because its online school. At least for the months ahead that we have left we have to do online teaching, we have to do this to protect our children. We also need to wash our hands, practice 6ft distance, keep your kids home and only go out if it's necessary. We all have to understand and know that back to school will be easier then, be patient and love our children and take care of them as much as you can.
Continually care for yourself 
From family of 3 yr old and 9 months old in Shiprock. Mom works at SJRMC and so maternal grandma takes the girls a few days a week to and from parents home, sometimes keeping them a few days at a time as mom works in a healthcare setting. Grandma has 3 school age kids of her own that she looks after at the same time. 
The only advice I can give others is to continually care for yourself, we tend to lose ourselves in these crazy times. It’s ok to ask for help or say no if you have, get closer God and have faith, and to check on either other via text, phone calls even letters, or drop off little care packages when you know someone’s struggling.. it’s hard to ask for help but it certainly does take a village to raise our children
Do more outdoor activities to prevent themselves from stress and depression
From family of 5 yr old in Magdalena whose grandma is legal guardian. Maternal grandaunt comes over to grandma's house 6:45 am to 4:45 pm until grandma gets home from work 60 miles away. Grandma bought little one a tablet for Early Childhood Home-Based. Grandma and grandaunt teach traditionally and culturally because it's very important in our family.
My advice to other families is to keep practicing social distancing, washing hands and to stay home unless you need to get your essentials. Do more outdoor activities to prevent themselves from stress and depression.
You are all doing a great job!
From family of 3 and 7 yr old in Shiprock. Mom works 5:30am to 2pm so maternal grandparents mainly grandma assists with online school and daily care, making charts for Dine Language such as the month, days of the week, numbers, shapes, colors and basic farm animals, ensure kids get sleep, eat, and avoid visitors, and ensure that they are keeping the home clean and taking care of themselves with personal hygiene.
The advice I would give to other families is "you are all doing a great job!" I truly commend all the grandparents, aunts, uncles, or other relatives who have really stepped up to the plate to care for our children. It's not an easy job, but it is rewarding to see the smiles on your child's faces when things are going smoothly especially during this pandemic.
Let their minds know that they are kids, and you are there for them
From family of 6 year old boy that normally lives in Ojo Amarillo but since COVID, they moved to maternal grandma's homestead at Shiprock pinnacle where grandma and uncles now also help care. Mom and maternal aunt leave for work 5 am and return 6-7pm. Grandma and uncles worked before COVID but not since. It is very secluded, remote and no running water. There is online classes.

COVID is financially straining on them, but they feel safer down at the  rez. Living at the homestead, there are always many things for everyone to do. With winter, the days become short, so you go to sleep early and wake up early and do it all again. Some of the things each of us do is go for a run, go hunting, ride the horse, run errands in town, haul water, and watch movies.
​To help teach him life lessons and responsibility we purchased or received 
chickens, rabbit, dogs, and a little pony (wild horse that came to our door one day). He is learning how to feed his animals, pick up eggs daily from the chicken coup, and clean after all the animals. (Uncles and aunt's boyfriend) have also begun taking him hunting, teaching him survival skills. Every day my nephew is outside all day playing or doing something like helping build a new dog house, riding the horse, riding his bike, shooting his bb gun, and helping his mama (grandma) cook. The way I see it, these days parents let their kids stay on electronics all day, no responsibilities, no guidance.

The advice I would give to other families is listen to your child, put down the electronics, and take a walk with them or ride bikes. Let their minds know that they are kids, and you are there for them.
Grandparents/kinship who are still healthy and energetic will benefit from helping in this manner for their children
From Crownpoint family of 8 yr old whose grandma cares for him so mom can work in Phoenix. He is doing 3rd grade virtual learning/home schooling and I am his learning coach. Each day we spend a regular school day lasting four or more hours.  I get online support from the school. Grandson misses his family and gets bored, but must keep safe.  At her age of 72 years old, grandma is still able to do childcare tasks and household chores, doing this for her children helps her to stay physically healthy and mentally alert.  Her daughter and other children check on them daily through text and video chats.  
​As advice, I think grandparents/kinship who are still healthy and energetic will benefit from helping in this manner for their children.  Young school age children grow healthy when they have grandparents read with them, tell them traditional stories, do learning projects like cooking, arts and crafts, playing games etc., and it is a good time to practice or teach traditional language and customs.  This time together might develop into a family tradition to carry on.  I find this to be true because that is what I am enjoying as I provide this childcare. It is a rewarding experience for me, and I get that “I am needed” feeling/boost.

Although the contagious COVID-19 virus is an undesirable reason to be in our homebased family childcare, it provides a positive time period to increase bonding with a child or children to help them feel secure and safe as they keep up with their education.  I do worry and feel sad that probably not all children are in the same kind of a comfortable place, so I do hope and pray for all children and their kinship to be safe and resilient to live through this time of craziness.
We cherish each moment we have with our Nálii’s and they are part of our healing 
From family in Shiprock of three kids under 8 who are Nálii’s (our two sons' children), and 6 older kids that paternal grandparents help care for. Both grandparents have multiple extra healthcare needs (heart, lungs, vision, diabetes and Guillían-Berré Syndrome​). Daughter-in-law spent a week in ICU, her whole family caught COVID and she lost her brother. So at that time grandparents could not be physically present, more of financial support and dropping off care packages of food, diapers, and other essentials. Grandma's brother also passed from COVID. 

Before COVID grandma cared for kids in their home while parents worked or attended college. Now we have daily phone calls, FaceTime calls, Messenger calls, Zoom, etc. not physically been with Nálii grand girls since March and the kids have been so emotionally devastated and traumatized by this. There are nights they call  crying and parents could not make them stop so by phone grandma talk to them in a loving way, using Navajo kinship terms Shi Nálí yázhí,  Shi’áwéé’” (My grandchild, my baby), speaking to them with love, able to calm them down and stop crying so they can get their rest.
Thank God our prayers were answered, and all have recovered. 

Our advice to others, especially the younger generation parents, is to spend as much time as possible with your children because you cannot get this time back.  We raised a total of 7 children and we were so busy trying to make a living to provide for them that we now have regrets, wishing we could have spent more time teaching them, rather than relying on others to do this for us.  They all have grown up to be responsible adults with their own families and households, which I am so thankful to Creator for, however, I just look back sometimes and wonder where the time went and how fast time flew since they were babies.  I guess that’s the reason we try and spend as much time as possible with our grandchildren.

​We cherish each moment we have with them, and they are part of our healing as much as we are part of theirs too, especially emotionally, during this Pandemic.   
Always stay together and work together
From family of 4 kids aged 3-13 in Navajo, dad is out of work since COVID and it's very hard to have just mom's income who is also a student. Paternal grandma, a retired teacher, is caregiver, spends more time with youngest coloring, learning names of colors, navigate internet, grandparents participate in daily walks, 1 mile bike riding, basketball. Mom does 1 mile run with kids every morning, They try to prepare healthy meals, changed our diet, less starch, e.g. switched spaghetti noodles to vegetable noodles.
We manage to continue having dinner together as a family at the table. I try to be active along with my children every day.

​The only advice I can give to other parents are spending more time with your family and continue to challenge yourself with more active activities and educational activities (khan academy). Always stay together and work together as a family. 
Answer their questions and explain what things mean 
From family in Shiprock of 5 yr old and twin 7 yr old girls whose parents are essential workers so uncle has been their at Home teacher, care provider, playmate and cultural teacher. They get tested regularly and had been isolated from our entire extended family for 8 months. The girls have been allowed to spend weekends with their parents following very strict protocols: testing, masks, no trips/ visitors. It has been a challenge for uncle to find ways to keep them engaged in school and answering their questions about the virus, our state of affairs, family they have lost to the virus.

Teaching and having that partnership with our School has helped a lot. We are living our own “Little house on the prairie” adventure. We are lucky to have my Grandmother with us as well: she offers encouragement and link to our heritage through her stories and cultural teachings. We also have been using the post office to write cards and letters to our family and friends to keep in contact. 
The best advice: Keep your kids engaged and informed of what is going on in the world. Answer their questions and explain what things mean. Wash your hands, wear your masks, limit trips to the store and only send one person. Take all precautions, be assertive if someone gets to close ask them to step back or you move away- especially if they are not masked. Avoid visitors of all kinds. Get on Zoom and call family if you few lonesome. Read and talk to your kids everyday. Experiment with new foods. And if you have it- tap into your homegrown cultural resources like grandma and grandpa when you can to learn about who you are and where you come from.
Let the younger children know who is in charge until you get home
From Mentmore family of 6 yr old, mom works so care is given by maternal uncle, aunt who is back from college and 17 yr old sibling. Maternal grandpa makes breakfast while uncle and daughter in charge for lunch, dinner is already made when mom gets home, and mom takes over homework and care for evening. 
We have started a monthly challenge for wellness and have been doing evening exercises and teaching my youngest how to jump rope. We encourage the young ones to not give up so easily on their work and challenge themselves taking that extra step. We are learning new ways to teach the children. ​Kinship childcare takes patience and don't forget to set some rules. Let the younger children know who is in charge until you get home.
My advise to other parents not only of special needs children is "Be Patient", take a breather 
From Mentmore family of extra healthcare needs 6 yr old who is non-verbal autistic. Mom drops him off at grandma who provides care for him during the day, Day starts with pancake breakfast then virtual class starts at 830 and ends at 12 and lunch break, depending on if he is hungry he'll have lunch if not it will be snacks and class resumes at 1 and ends at 230. 16 year old also helps grandma doing virtual learning and issues with internet. 
My advise to other parents not only of special needs children is "Be Patient", take a breather and at the end of the day take a few minutes to yourself and have a cup of soothing tea and pat yourself on the back for another day at school.
Take it day by day
From Shiprock family of 5 year old with speech delay and speech therapy needs, mom works so maternal grandma takes care, feeding, teaching and communicating with her, goes to bus stop for free lunch meal, helps pronouncing words. Child gets frustrated because she cannot say it but grandma will slowly help her and will calm her
down. As a family we all try our best to help her with her speech as best as we can.
We take it day by day with everything that is happening today with wellness, growth and learning. My advice to other families to be careful and practice safety for your family. During this pandemic is very stressful and
scary but we will get through this if we stay home when we need to and to be safe when you are going out in the public
Interact with them and explain what’s going on 
From extra health needs family in Hogback with 6 kids and 5 grandbabies, grandma cares for her own kids and also for grandkids when their mom is working. With family they are trying to keep it together and it's been good. Grandma's other daughter whom she lived with got COVID but recovered. Grandma was herself only 8 yrs old when her brother was born and she literally raised him plus had to watch her older brother's kids when she was 11-12 yrs old. All her life she has had kids. When her own older kids were in Jr high they brought over their friends from broken homes and she became their second parent. At one time before COVID there were 14 kids visiting that didn’t want to go home. 
​My daughter will sit at the table with all of the kids and do different things together. Every other day. Print coloring papers, ABC’s, learning but fun activities. While cooking they will help make bread. I’ve seen kids not feel good or thinking, kind of like being depressed. Then I’ll try to get them to do something. 

​So me being a care taker and a grandma is awfully hard but Iove it I wouldn’t change it for nothing. I’m 50 years old and I had my time with work and raising my kids by myself and now its my kids turn to make somethings of themselves and to get a chance to live a life. So I choose to help and raise my grandkids. Also to baby sit. It’s a pleasure.

​The way I see it is that with this pandemic and everything going on, I think the kids need more time to interact, go outside and help get a bucket of coal. My oldest grandson and granddaughter show they’re tired but I explain to them what’s going on. I will take them for a ride to the store sometimes but I won’t let them go inside. My grandson will tell me I need to wash my hands and put on hand sanitizer when I come out of the store. They get scared of leaving the house, but I do it not make them feel stuck in the house. Point is to interact with them and explain what’s going on.
Love will keep us strong and determination will get us through
From Thoreau family of 2 and 6 yr olds. Maternal uncle cares for them provide meals, assist older one with online school, homework as needed, and 2 yr old with identifying shapes, colors and teaching both of my nieces Navajo as much as possible. Gives them afternoon and evening walks. 
I am proactive in my faith, my health and going to the gym daily to assist with the ongoing stress of the pandemic. This keeps me mentally and physically active to ensure a healthy lifestyle. ​Stay strong, be resilient and continue to practice the three W's--wear your mask, wash your hands and wait 6 feet apart to minimize any transmission of COVID-19. Last, continue to be strong during this time of doubt, faith is what will keep us together. Love will keep us strong and determination will get us through this.
Families that are working outside the home, please assist with groceries and other necessities
From family in Whitehorse Lake of 4 and 8 yr olds, maternal grandma looks after while mom works in Albuquerque, always internet issues. Since the 8-year-old is struggling with her online classes grandma spends more time with her and little one gets to do a lot of tracing, naming, coloring, and puzzles. When the weather is good, we also do other things together like bring in wood and woodchips to keep us warm. We also have other duties like feeding the dogs and making sure the front and backyards are in good shape. We also walk and they ride their bikes to get exercise when it is not too cold.
Granddaughter is online from 8 am to 2:30 pm and it is tiring but she does her best. She is also getting prepared for her kinaalda so I am teaching her different aspects of taking care of herself, our home, and other chores that are required of women. I speak as much Navajo as I can with both granddaughters from simple words to complete sentences.

​It has been hard to stay home and take on the responsibility of caring for my granddaughters during this pandemic but I wanted them to be safe as well as myself. I quit my job so I could be safe and ended up assisting with their education in western society and our own Navajo ways. I also show my granddaughters to pray daily so we are protected.

​The only advice I can give is to go outside and exercise if the weather permits so you relieve stress. And for the families that are working outside the home, please assist with groceries and other necessities. Call or facetime your children so they feel important too.
​Thanks to the New Mexico Early Childhood Funders Group and to the Northern Diné​ COVID-19 Relief Effort for critical funding for this project.